Theres always something in the way...

There's always something
In the way
There's always something
Getting through
But it's not me
it's You

Sometime's ignorance
Rings true
But hope is not in
What I know
Not in me
It's in You

It's all I know

And I find peace
When I'm confused
I find hope when
I'm let down
Not in me
But in You

I hope to lose myself
For good
I hope to find it in the end
Not in me
In You
It's all I know

Expect the unexpected.

This is it. This is what I have to say.. at least a partial innuendo of what's going on in my head. Here I am holding the doggies while they are sound asleep in my arms. I thought to myself, what more can I take? I think this is it. Ive known this secret from the beginning and I respect that you told me from the get go; yet I still stuck around and was there by your side through the worse of your days. I was there to help you pick yourself up and give you direction on what is right and what is wrong. Did I have to? No. Did I do it? Yes. Why? Because a big part of me told me it was the right thing to do. A big part of me still had hope that you would learn what's right and what's wrong. I don't believe in fate anymore because our paths solely depends on what we make of it. We make our own decisions; good or bad. I'm done with believing in fairytale endings because it would only set me up for disappointment.

No one is able to tell me "I know how you feel". No one. This situation is the worse of the worse. I'm done with getting my heart trampled over and crushed into a million pieces. No one can fathom the situation that has happened. You go on and do what you think is right. You create your own destiny. You create your own path. I don't want to seem bitter but don't think for a second that anyone has to feel sorry for you. It's true; karma will always catch up to you. I never once wanted this to happen to you, but now maybe it's good that it did. We all learned a big lesson from this and it changed all of our lives.

Congratulations, y'all won. Be happy and live the life y'all created. Y'all deserve a round of applause for the catastrophic show that was created. For all the years that I stood by your side and for all the suffering I went through for you... And for you to throw it all away because you can't make your own rational decisions... I'm throwing in the towel.

Just when I thought things were beginning to look up...my world comes crashing down on me. What's new? I've been through hell and back. I've been through it all. I expect no one to tell me otherwise. Sometimes I believe that this is meant to happen to a person like me. It's like life is throwing me curve balls just to test my limits. Someone has to take the bullet; I'd rather it be me than anyone else. Everyone wonders how I'm staying so strong and still standing with my head held high. The only thing I can respond with is, "I'm doing this for you... Each and every one of you that's has seen my pain and suffering." I feel like it's meant to happen to me because I need this reality check. I need to learn that things won't ever go as planned.

The perfect little world that I had and was living in felt like a dream come true. I need to wake up and realize dreams are just dreams...it's not real. It hurts so bad; I feel like I'm dying. This isn't suppose to happen to me. Everyone envied what we had, we were the "it" couple. But who am I kidding, I don't deserve this. I sat back and let the both of you destroy my life and regret being the nice girl. I just don't have it in me to be otherwise. Sadly, I just wished I never met you. Solely for the fact that I wouldn't have nights like these, where I cry myself to sleep...where I wake up putting on a happy face just for everyone's sake...where I lose hope...where I get my dreams shattered.

If it's not one thing it's another. I hope you feel good about yourself. I hope you have sleepless night and wake up in the morning feeling like death; just so you can have a faint taste of what my life has become.

I never will say that this "secret" was a mistake because it's truly a blessing. So don't think for a moment that I will ever admit that I'm wrong for writing out how I truly feel at the moment. Maybe I will understand one day. I was there throughout your worse; and if that didn't show you enough love and dedication...I don't know what will.

Ive always been an independent person and has always worked hard for everything that I've had. It just made me happy to care about you. I shared my life with you. You threw it all away for someone you barely knew; and now you're stuck for life. I want to meet the old you again. A person with self respect and dignity. A person that stood up for himself. The man I fell deeply in love with.

I know you're lost and confused. Hopefully in time you'll learn and realize what's right for you. Do you baby...cause I'll be doing me.